Facebook Status of the Day

Today's post would more accurately described as "Facebook Status of the Past Several Days," but that would just look clunky, wouldn't it? The primary issue was that not enough people were funny in a single day to make it worthwhile. I'm thinking of you, dear reader, when I compile these. We all want these posts to be funny, no? So, vaguely amusing or mildly witty aren't going to cut it with me.

Facebook Status of the Day:

• Last time I went to Italy a lady threw a baby at me. While I tried to catch the baby, a little boy grabbed my wallet, arghhh!! SO if any body throws you a baby, just swat it to the ground!! Swat!!"

Runners Up:

• CG realized this morning that the dietitian assigned to Bob has the last name "Bacon." This should go well.

• BR wonders what it means when a trip to Somerset County yields an arranged Amish wedding and an indecent proposal from a one-legged man, with a cage full of birds, on a red scooter.

• MP blames my parents for my pain in the ass kids, because they said years ago, "I hope you have kids just like you."

• JC just taped a Nerf dart to her son's face for a microphone so he can pretend to be a Jonas Brother.

Thanks to Keri, Julie, Beth, and Janis for sending suggestions!