Monday, January 26, 2009

Forgive me fashions gods, for I have sinned

So, this is my first blog post, and I thought I'd start out with a confession, to bring my readers (hopefully I'll have some) and me close together, Oprah-style.

I wouldn't consider myself to be the ultimate fashionista, but I like to think I am always erring on the side of good, classic taste in clothing and accessories. Being a child of the 80s can scar you for life when it comes to being too trendy. Looking back at pictures of myself with big hair and acid-washed jeans makes my blood run cold, so I tend to avoid today's trends that seem destined to be tomorrow's faux pas.

OK, enough set-up. Let's get down to it. Deep breath. Make sure you're sitting down. Yesterday, I might-have-sort-of-almost-yeah-I-think-I-did-holy-crap-I-bought-some-Crocs. WAIT! Don't go away and never come back! I promise, I can explain.

I was buying some Crocs online for my four-year-old son. And as we all know, children are the only ones who can wear Crocs without fear of being laughed at and openly mocked in public. Crocs are cute on kids. They put those little jibbity thingies in the holes, and they look like little clubby ducks scampering around. Adorable. But what is adorable on a child is almost never adorable on an adult (tighty whities, ringlets, and diapers all fall into this category).

So here I am, on the Internet, buying some perfectly acceptable Crocs for my child. They are on sale. I am planning ahead for spring. Oh look, they even have some Cars Crocs. And hmmmm, there's a button that says Women's, but I don't need to click that. No. Not me. But, ahem, there's a sale button at the bottom. Well, I do like a sale. It couldn't hurt to look.

And that's where my shame spiral begins.

In my defense, they are not the garden-planter-meets-dog-chew-toy-are-you-wearing-rubber-buckets-on-your-feet gigantic clodhoppers. These are Mary Janes. And I mean really, what decent person doesn't have a soft spot in their hearts for Mary Janes? They are classics. And they're Ruby Red, for pete's sake. Not just Red...RUBY Red. Doesn't that just sound smashing? "I think I'll wear my Ruuuuuuby Red Mary Janes today, darling."

Yes, they are made from antimicrobial rubber, but we can look past that for the moment.

Perhaps I was inspired by an ESPN article that mentioned that Steelers' linebacker James Harrison was spotted wearing Steelers Crocs in the locker room after the team's AFC championship win. If they're good enough for the NFL's Defensive Player of the Year, they're good enough for me. And if you have a problem with that, take it up with Silverback.


  1. So, which jibbitz did you buy for your new Crocs?

  2. YOU DID NOT! Oh my god, Lauren, YOU DID NOT!

    The Crocs, not the blog. But ... THE CROCS!

    *feels the world going upside-down*

  3. So do we get to see a pic of you sporting the crocs?!?

  4. Maybe. :-) I still haven't received them yet! I may decide they are beastly and send them back!

  5. Steeler crocs are the only way to go...

  6. Maybe James Harrison was giving new meaning to the "Shower Sandal" Isn't that where one sports their most unflattering pair of cheap keep my feet from touching Troy Polamalu's hair in the drain foot wear?